


hold me

by throughout



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Magnus Bane, Light Angst, M/M, Supportive Alec Lightwood, alec lightwood is the best boyfriend ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 03:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17841455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/throughout/pseuds/throughout
Summary: the one where magnus needs alec to just hold him, and alec does.





	hold me

**Author's Note:**

> whew it's been a minute since i wrote anything! this is just me getting ready to be hit in the face with all the angst that's inevitably going to come bc of magnus losing his magic. and me indulging myself with supportive boyfriends and undying love :') 
> 
> find me on tumblr [goldenalec](http://goldenalec.tumblr.com/) <3

Alec’s eyes look like candlelight tonight.

It’s the first thing Magnus thinks of, the first thing that begins to slowly settle the storm wreaking havoc inside his head. Alec and his candlelight eyes, watching him with the kind of care that is so inherently him. So familiar and safe and _home_ and _Alec._

Alec’s fingers trail gently over the surface of the water. Magnus watches as the ripples form and for a while, all he can hear is the water against Alec’s fingers and Alec’s quiet breathing, filling every corner of the bathroom. In and out, and in and out. Magnus finds himself matching the rhythm of his breathing, like everything else in his life that seems tied to him. Like the beat of his own heart, tied inexorably to that of the man sitting on the floor next to the tub, his cheek resting against the edge of it and his gaze fixed on Magnus.

Alec looks at Magnus like he’s the only thing worth looking at. Like he would choose to look at Magnus, every day, over anything else the world could offer him.

And Magnus? To Magnus, Alec is altogether the brilliance of the morning sun and the soft, gentle touch of moonlight.

He’s everything.

And he’s _here_ , right now, when Magnus needs him the most. He’s always been here, steadfast and strong and given.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alec asks softly then, breaking the silence.

Magnus sinks further into the water, letting the warmth envelop him over his shoulders until the base of his neck.

It comes back to him in waves, each more unrelenting than the one before. Catarina standing there, helpless, listening to him as all the rage and emptiness since the night he came back from Edom, since the night his magic was ripped from him, came pouring out in torrents of lashing anger. Anger that then became directed at the one person who had helped him as much as she could.

_I’m untethered. And I don’t know how to find my way back._

Alec’s fingers move through the water to come closer to Magnus.

Magnus’ eyes burn.

“I’m scared.” He whispers hoarsely.

He can’t remember the last time he said those words out loud. It’s the same fear he felt as a child, a reflection of the terror he saw in his mother’s eyes. The same fear that consumed him as he ran from the village he grew up in on that horrible night when his magic took two lives. An unshakeable fear, deep inside of him.

It’s different from the crippling, paralyzing fear he’d felt the night he almost lost Alec. That had been unbearable. The sight of Alec, an inch from death, had been enough to suck the very air out of his lungs. And the prospect of a world without him – Magnus had known right then, painfully and viscerally, that he would never survive the possibility of losing Alec.

This fear feels selfish, and ugly. So rooted in his own interest, so like everything he’d worked for centuries to rid himself of. All of Magnus hurts to feel it again.

Magnus Bane doesn’t get scared. Not for himself.

“I know.” Alec says quietly, after a pause.

“I’m – I’m really scared, Alexander.” Magnus feels his voice crack just as fresh tears escape his eyes.

Alec immediately brings his hand to rest on Magnus’ shoulder, before moving closer until he can rest his forehead against the side of Magnus’ head. His breath, warmer than any bath water Magnus could draw for himself, washes over the side of his neck.

_I just want you to hold me. Hold me and make it go away, just for a little while._

“I’m here.” Alec whispers. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

_Please hold me._

Alec stands up. For a fleeting second, every cell in Magnus’ body protests against the sudden lack of his touch, but then Magnus registers what he’s doing. He’s unbuttoning his shirt.

“What are you doing?”

“Holding you.”

And Magnus watches with barely disguised reverence as Alec slowly, methodically steps out of his clothes, not once breaking eye contact with him. Magnus watches him, moving through space, and wonders what infinitesimal coincidence in the threads of the universe brought them together. Two hearts, wildly different yet perfect for each other.

_You are more real to me than anything else._

Some of the water in the tub sloshes over the sides and onto the floor as Alec steps in, but Magnus finds that he just can’t bring himself to care. Not in the slightest. He makes room for Alec to slip in behind him.

His heart settles as Alec wraps his arms around him, and brings him closer until his back is pressed flush against the warmth of his chest. From here, from this close, Magnus can feel the steady beat of his heart, strong and true, in tandem with his own. So many things about him – the rise and fall of his chest, the kisses he keeps pressing into the side of Magnus’ face, his arms wrapped so tightly around him, fingers intertwined with Magnus’.

Magnus leans his head back against Alec’s shoulder and stares at the ceiling of the bathroom.

“I love you.” He says.

Alec hums against his temple, lips quirking up in a smile.

“I love you too.”

Magnus tightens his grip on Alec’s fingers. “I want to talk about it.” He barely registers his own voice.

He feels Alec still for just a second, before pulling him impossibly closer.

“Then talk.”

So Magnus does. For the first time since everything happened – he talks.

And Alec listens, his presence a steadfast pillar of support, unrelenting. Magnus finds his tether in him.

 _I could talk to you forever,_ Magnus thinks.

_I would never tire of it. Looking into your eyes, hearing the breath behind every word you say. Time could pass indefinitely, days, months, years, and all I want to do is talk to you. There are so many things I want to say to you._

_I could talk to you for the rest of my life._


End file.
